Why do friends fall apart? Why can't they just get along anymore? From previous entries, I've mentioned that Jane and I weren't getting along. Well, in the end of July and the beginning of August we were getting along. We talked everything over and worked out all our issues. The only issue was that both of us were still hurt by the other. We tried to work through it. In the long run, we had a hang out weekend (more or less). For the most part, it seemed fine. Then a few days after that, we talked about it. Seemed both of us were trying (too had, really) not to fight or not to make things awkward. Seems that's all anybody can do whenever things are like that, huh?

More or less, it's not something that I understand. I wish I did.

On a side note, Chris and I have been getting to know each other a lot more. Our one year anniversary is coming up next month and I just figured out what to get him. He likes playing God of War but hasn't gotten around to getting the third one yet. I plan on either getting him that for our one year or for Christmas. Not too sure just yet about that one. But I do know that he's getting a scrap book for our one year. He holds those type of things close to his heart. I plan on making it extra special. He knows that I'm having some financial issues right now and understands if I'm late with the gifts and all of that. To be honest, we (more than likely) won't see each other on our one year. He works and lives far enough away where I don't actually know how to get there. I know that we'll talk on that day. God knows how much I'd love to see him though. Guess you can't get what you want all the time. Of course, I've known that.

So, everybody that has read my entry entitled "The Jealous Friend" should know what I'm talking about. This is a little update as to what's been going on. Since I didn't mention everything. And from this entry on (and to save face) I shall be giving these people names. The Jealous Friend's name shall be Jane (works since jealous starts with a j as does her name, and this is for me to keep track of who I'm mentioning). A really close friend of mine's name shall be Rashel (don't ask), my name is gonna be Kaya and my boyfriend's name shall be Chris. All the first letters are the same. If you see any names in here, chances are -- They aren't the real names. This is mainly so none of this comes back and bites me later. Anyway.

Chris and myself had gone down to North Carolina this past week, just to get away from things and because I wanted to visit my Mother. Even though I was broke, I needed my Mom (I live in the north-East part of the US). Rashel, being the good friend that she is, decided to talk to Jane. See if she could figure out what was going on. Apparently Rashel and Jane started fighting. Rashel has known what's been going on with me on my side, but has taken a neutral approach to this entire thing. She's let me vent to her about Jane and everything. Gotta love that girl.

Jane started snapping saying that everybody (not just me) had been ignoring her and neglecting her. That she, basically, just wanted a pity party. Rashel snapped at her saying (to the affect of), "Have you ever thought that you're the one starting this?" Now, me being me -- I wouldn't have said this. I've been trying to resolve this entire thing properly. I more than understand where Jane's coming from. She's lonely and wants to be with somebody. The fact of the matter is that 99% of the time she sits at home on the computer and complains that she's bored. She lives in New York. Seriously. How can she be bored? I've been up there more than enough times to know that there is almost always something to do (in the section that she lives).

The entire week that Chris and I were in North Carolina, Jane was talking to Rashel going, "Chris has changed Kaya. Kaya's not the same." Chris hasn't changed me. Yes, I've been making more time in my life for him. But that's mainly because he comes down here. He and his family understand that I'm having issues with my job, so they all come down here to see me. Jane complains that I see him more than I see her. I'm, literally, flat out broke. So I can't go up and see her on a random whim anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to. There's just no way. Unless she pays for me.

I understand that Jane's hurting. But I just see a double-standard thing here. When she was with her boyfriend, I got ditched more often than not. I never said anything because I knew that she was happy. She constantly talked about him, about the things they did together. Again, I didn't say anything because I knew she was happy -- Even though I was hurting. We did fight one day and she got defensive about it.

Now the table's are turned. I haven't ditched her whatsoever. She feels that way only because (as one of of her friends who is, currently, talking to me on AIM) she takes things way too personally. Here's an example. If I decide to go hang out with another friend (Rashel, for instance), Jane gets upset and feels like I'm ditching her. Jane feels as though I have to tell her every little thing that I do and I "have to get her approval". It sucks, but that's her way of thinking.

Anyway, there's an update. I'm done ranting about Jane. Her and I are supposed to have a talk soon. We'll see how that goes.

Recently my father has told me that he doesn't see eye-to-eye with my boyfriend. He says that if my boyfriend were to ever propose, he'd greatly like it if I didn't say yes.

Now, I know that not all parents are going to like their children's choices or any of that, nor are they always going to like the person that they chose to be with. I've known this. I've accepted it. I'm, also, old-fashioned and would appreciate having my Dad approve of my relationship.

My father has said that he doesn't have the same interests as my boyfriend and myself. Call me selfish, but isn't that how it's supposed to be? I'm dating my boyfriend. Not my father. On a second note, my father's been saying that my boyfriend's been using me, that he can "see" it. I asked how my boyfriend was using me, I have yet to receive an answer.

My Dad's not the most social person out there, but whenever my boyfriend comes over -- My Dad goes and hides himself in a separate room altogether and doesn't even try to get to know my boyfriend (who goes silent around my Dad because he's afraid of saying something stupid).

Dad says that he just wants me to be happy, but the only one making me unhappy is him. My boyfriend's been there for me more often than I can count. He's helped me through so many things and I've fallen in love with him. Now I'm afraid to tell my Dad this because I don't wanna fight with him anymore (we've been fighting since Monday evening).

My Mom's been more than supportive. She thinks my boyfriend's loud, but she approves of him because he makes me happy. I'm glad that she can see that he makes me happy. Maybe because she warmed up to my boyfriend (unlike my Dad) and they got to talking and to know each other. I'm more at ease with her than I am with my Dad. That, and my Mom didn't disappear when my boyfriend and I went to visit (my parents are divorced).

On the other hand, his entire family loves me. They love the fact that I talk to them and don't ignore them or anything. I'll sit there and have a conversation with them about whatever they wanna talk about. I'm as polite as anything to them and treat them how I would wanna be treated. They've called me the daughter that they never had. Even my boyfriend's brother loves me to death (and I don't get to talk to him all that often). I'm quite shy and quiet, but I will speak when spoken to with them.

I act like my boyfriend does with my father and his family doesn't treat me like crap. I know that my Dad's only looking out for me, but I don't know what to do anymore. I wanna open up to my Dad and tell him everything that's been happening in my life (there are so many things that he doesn't know about, because I don't need him yelling at me every other second) and I wanna tell him how much I love my boyfriend.

Now it just seems impossible.